Let me start this off by saying that I love my boyfriend and dating him is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. He makes me happier than anything, and he is my very best friend. I wouldn’t trade our relationship for the world.
Now that that’s out of the way, I’m here to tell you why singleness is better than being in a relationship. (Lol, what? Hold your horses folks. It’ll make sense in a second. :))
The reason I’m writing this is that I know a lot of single folks who can’t freakin’ wait to start dating. They dream of finding the perfect person, falling hopelessly in love, cuddling every second of every day, intimacy, holding hands, being googly-eyed, etc.
And it’s true – all that stuff is amazing. But singleness is amazing, too. I can honestly say that the times when I have been single were some very good times.
Shall we dig a little deeper into this concept together?
One day I would like to write a post solely on the idea that we have a tendency as people to lust after phases of life we are not currently experiencing.
Let me explain what I mean. When we are in high school, we can’t wait until we graduate and go to college or get a job. When we are in college, we’re excited for the days when we can go home after work and not have to worry about finishing any homework. When we finally have that job, we remember our fun college days and want to go back. When we’re single, we want to be dating or married. Then when we’re married, we miss the days when we were young and single and free.
And because we are always longing for the past or looking forward into the future, we don’t lean into the phase of life we are in right now. We neglect the things around us that are totally unique to this particular time in our lives and we aren’t able to cherish them for all their beauty and glory.
Then, when we leave that phase of life, we look back and realize we had it made.
We’re never satisfied, are we?
So, single folks, hear me loud and clear: YOU HAVE IT MADE.
And so do I. Dating Kemp is the very best. But have I had to sacrifice some of the most wonderful parts of singleness for my relationship? Absolutely. Cherish what you have. Remember that where you are will always be sunny in it’s own way.
So what happens when we start to appreciate what we have and where we are in life rather than eagerly awaiting for another phase in life?
In my opinion, the benefits of focusing on the life we are living now can be tremendous. When we appreciate where we are, we are able to soak in all the most precious aspects of our daily lives and relish them. And when we are cherishing our lives, we are filled with joy and able to take advantage of the experiences we are having for all they’re worth. And when we eventually move on to another phase of life, we are filled with peace and not regret, because we know we got the most out of the last phase and we’re ready to move on to the next one.
So basically, when we accept and enjoy singleness (or any other phase of life for that matter), we:
- cherish every good aspect of our singleness
- fill ourselves up with joy
- eventually move on to the next phase of life without regrets
This is why I feel that fully appreciating the single life is so incredibly important. Instead of bitterness, we are joyful. Instead of longing for something else, we are fulfilled with what we have. And we can be at peace in the knowledge that we are leaning into the current stage of life and taking advantage of it for everything it has to offer.
You may be asking: okay, Amanda. So if being single is so great, why the heck are you dating?
I’m glad you asked, random voices coming from my computer. Please do not get me wrong here – I’m not bashing my relationship. I love my boyfriend with all my heart and eagerly give up all these benefits of singleness because I want to. Because being with him is worth sacrificing basically anything. I love this dating stage of life.
But when I was single, I was able to enjoy that time of life without desiring a dating partner, and I feel it really contributed to my overall happiness and personal growth. I want single people to recognize the benefits of their experience too. While it’s okay to want a relationship, this desire should never prevent a person from appreciating where they are right now.
In the name of inspiring some appreciation, allow me to share with you the reasons I loved being single:
Singleness is way less work than dating.
Making a relationship function in a happy, successful way, no matter how great the relationship is, requires work. You have to make sure you are putting in the time and effort to make your partner happy, resolve fights (and there will be fights), and generally go out of your way to ensure the relationship stays strong and healthy. Being single means you have much more free time and saved up emotional energy to expend on other things.
Singleness gives you the freedom to do whatever you want without having to take another person into account.
Whenever people who are seriously dating make a major life decision, they inevitably must think about how that affects their partner and their relationship. Single people can move across the country on a whim, or fill up every second of their day with fun activities without a thought as to whether they’ve seen their partner lately.
Singleness allows for the opportunity to be selfish in ways you can’t always be when you’re in a relationship.
The biggest thing that makes a relationship function is sacrifice. You simply can’t win all the time – it’s all about the give and take. Single people don’t have anyone’s wishes or desires to think about but their own and perhaps their immediate family members or closest friends.
Singleness means you can flirt. 😉
Unless you are polyamorous, being in a relationship means you’re done playing the field. And flirting can be fun!
Singleness gives you the chance to get to know and love yourself before bringing another person into the mix.
I know this is what everyone always says to single people, and it’s probably really annoying. But it’s true. The times when I was single were so valuable for me. I was able to truly get comfortable with myself, who I was, and what I was capable of. I realized that I could get through life on my own and be perfectly fine, because I was strong. And this gave me the confidence in myself I needed. I can honestly say that being single helped me love myself, and once I did that, I wasn’t so desperate to find a relationship. I didn’t need anyone to fulfill me. I was fulfilled in myself. Ironically, I believe this self-comfort made me a better girlfriend when Kemp and I started dating.
So yes, dating is wonderful. But don’t let singleness slip by without leaning into it for all it’s worth.
Any thoughts to add? What did or do you love about being single? What did or do you love about dating?